Here’s Jackie in the 1800s.

His father was a baker. So, he never really thinks of anything other than becoming a baker. Within his 10 mile radius there are a few girls his age and, mostly as a function of family arrangements, he ends up dating one. He proposes and genuinely believes if he doesn’t keep his vow for life, he will burn in eternal hell (pretty compelling commitment device). His neighbors have a new plow, a few chickens, and a nice wood-fire stove. So, he feels he is more than “keeping up with the Joneses”.

Contrast that with Jackie in 2026.

On a daily basis, he sees finance bros, youtube influencers, and entrepreneurs in every industry and product imaginable “living life on their terms” and following their passion. His alma mater alone offered over 200 majors. Similarly, every day he is bombarded with the most beautiful women from around the world on instagram (many of whom are AI) and on the dating apps he sees every possible single woman in all of the Pittsburgh metro. And as for his neighbors, if we go beyond physical neighbors to include people in his orbit on social media, we have sports cars, trips to Fiji, new suits, and every single consumer good or experience imaginable.

So, while we tend to think of abundance and choice as sources of happiness, perhaps we passed over the sweet spot, as it were, sometime between the 1800s and 2026.

While we may call old past Jackie’s life dull, boring, and lacking the wonder of possibility, he was probably pretty content. Sort of like asking someone who is color blind if they are missing out. They wouldn’t even know what you’re talking about.

If we assess present Jackie with a bit of candor, we might call this experience dizzying, disorienting, or infinitely frustrating.

Imagine if you were at a magical buffet with every single possible food in the entire world and you were allowed to only eat one plate without regretting it. It almost wouldn’t even be satisfying. In fact, it may be psychological torture. Now apply this to dating, career, lifestyle, etc., where the stakes are much higher than a meal.

Perhaps by basically expanding the realm of the possible to literal infinity (e.g. I can follow Jeff Bezos on instagram and see his day to day reality quite intimately) we have actually locked ourselves into a psychological torture trap.

As your realm of possible wants expands ad infinitum, no matter what you get or what you choose, you will always be comparing it to something more, and you will always feel it is never enough. You’ll always be settling.

So maybe happiness in 2026 is really the art of learning to settle?

This skill (do we call it a skill?) is more important than ever before. As we covered, 1800s Jackie didn’t have to settle precisely because he didn’t know he was settling.

So here are three ideas that may help you adopt the right kind of settling…

1. Define “life parameters”.

2. Sanity check your expectations.

3. Stop giving a sh*t (in a Zen way).

"Beware of looking for goals: look for a way of life. Decide how you want to live and then see what you can do to make a living within that way of life." — Hunter S. Thompson

How do you know if you’re failing, settling, exceeding expectations, or succeeding beyond your wildest dreams?

You need to define a few parameters to set out a definition of success in building the life you want. You see, I believe part of the reason that it’s so easy for people to get carried away into some ridiculous standard for a partner, career, lifestyle, etc. is because they never defined success in the first place.

If you go through life with some vague idea of “I want to live somewhere nice and make good money and have my dream job” then “nice,” “dream,” and “good” will always flutter off further into the realm of the unrealistic as you engage with social media and increase your present success.

Instead, what if (totally hypothetical) you said, “I want to make a little over six figures, work 30-40 hours per week with about half of it on happiness-nerd learning and teaching, and I want to do so in Western PA with all my friends and family.”

The beauty of parameters like this is that they are sort of variables that allow for many possible solutions to “solving for” your ideal life — e.g. I could win military resilience and wellbeing contracts, I could be a pro-d company for happier schools, I could be an internet happiness beat writer, etc. — or all the above. And now, not to overshare (said immediately before oversharing), I have, finally, hit my parameters in 2026.

So, I’m settling. And I genuinely feel happier than I have over the last 3 years of striving.

This takes me to my second point. Sanity check your expectations.

According to the nonprofit DEEP, about half of the world (~4 billion) live on less than $7 per day.

Are you living on more than $7 per day? If so, then congratulations because you are crushing it by a pretty healthy margin. Median individual income in the US was $46,960 in 2025. Are you making in that general range? Congrats on being a normal person then. If everyone were making way more than the average then it would no longer be the average!

My point is, it’s so easy to get carried away in appearances. But we need to practice some numerical fluency to sanity check ourselves. Your “settling” — from a statistical PoV — may not even be settling. It may be exceeding.

Finally, point three, the great Zen teacher, Suzuki Roshi, once wrote something like “good enough is good enough.”

I know this is starting to sound quite poetic, but what if you just stopped giving so much of a sh*t. Decide what’s important to you and never take it for granted. And just be content with that.

I read in a section from Oliver Burkeman, a story of the teacher Jiddu Krishnamurti. As he was giving a lecture, he paused, leaned forward and said in a whisper, "Do you want to know what my secret is?" The entire room leaned in in anticipation and he said, "You see, I don't mind what happens.”

In other words, can you just be fine with whatever happens? Can you settle for experiencing your life? Can you learn to say that good enough really is good enough?

(More thoughts here.)

So I’ll end with a bit of quotable advice…

Don’t settle for less than you deserve. Actually do, I just want you to be happy.

your happiness nerd,

Jackson K.

Boring. Wonderful. Strange.

In that order.

You see, there’s a lot of just sitting in the meditation hall, staring into a wall. As many of those Zen masters used to joke, “Zazen (Zen meditation) is good for nothing.”

And yet, there were moments of wonder in looking at the nature of the mind and experience. As one of my favorite teachers said, “Zen is letting the mundane catch fire.”

Strange — have you ever walked single file into a candlelit hall with a bunch of people in black robes at 4:30 a.m. and wondered, “Why am I doing this again?”

Actually, no, you probably have not had that moment! Suffice it to say, the whole thing was a bit odd.

But what the whole thing was really about was affecting change at a more fundamental level than just learning a technical skill set — a change in your way of being: awareness, insight into the nature of experience, compassion, etc.

So, having been through that, I’d like to share with you five lessons for leading others and living a good life. Leader, in this context, doesn’t necessarily mean a general or CEO, but someone who manages themselves and influences others. We are all leaders, and this will help you be more effective and happy along the way…

It is said that, after years of meditative mental training, and then one night of sitting deep in mindful awareness for many hours, the Buddha became enlightened under the Bodhi tree. Bodhidharma, who founded Zen, is said to have walked from India to China and then sat staring into a wall for 9 years to achieve that same enlightenment. For us, we’d wake at 4:15 and do a combination of meditation and service for about 3 hours.

I don’t necessarily recommend any of these strategies for you. But we need to understand why we’re doing it.

I met a guy at the Zen center who was an army veteran and who said that, in a lot of ways, the experience was like basic training. Everything was structured and had routines down to the minute, repeating day after day to train you. But what we were training was the mind. Think about it: if you were to do a crossword puzzle every single day for 2 hours, you’d probably get really, really good at them, right? At the same time, even if you’re not a people person, if you had to give a 10-minute TED Talk every day to start your workday or you would be fired, in a few months you’d be a way better speaker than the average person.

You see, the mind is basically a learning machine that changes based on how it is used. So what we are training is a greater degree of awareness. This means the ability to pay attention, on purpose, nonjudgmentally, in the present moment to both your inner and outer experience.

So, just like you have ultramarathon runners and bodybuilders, we are becoming sort of these Olympic athletes of mindfulness: attentive awareness of direct experience in the present.

Most of us, whether we realize it or not, are training our minds all the time. So why not build the capabilities that are going to lead us to a greater quality of life and a greater ability to work with others? The primary discipline for that is increasing your awareness. That is the foundation for empathy, self-control, and emotional intelligence.

There are many practices you can do, whether it be prayer, journaling, yoga, woodworking, or traditional meditation. The common theme through all of them is that you are bringing your attention to something in the present moment, and every time your mind wanders off, you bring it back again and again and again, thus strengthening your awareness.

I once heard it said that anxiety is in the future and depression is in the past. So, be where your feet are. Another teacher of mine said that Zen is letting go of whatever comes and whatever goes.

Train your mind harder than anything else. Don’t leave the experience of your life to chance. Shape your psychology every single morning. This is how to live with intention.

If you want to be a leader, learn to be where your feet are — train your mind every morning.

A monk had a beautiful, delicate teacup.

His student asked him about the cup. Much to the student’s surprise, he replied that the cup was already broken. “What do you mean?” the student asked.

The monk said, “To me, this cup is already broken.”

“I enjoy it. I drink from it. It holds my water admirably—sometimes even reflecting the sun in beautiful patterns. When I tap it, it has a lovely

ring to it. But when I put it on the shelf and the wind blows it over, or I knock it off the table and it shatters on the ground, then I say, ‘Of course.’

When I understand the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious.”

This is the essence of a Zen life.

This is the way to view everything in the phenomenal world — our possessions, our loved ones, and, above all, our own lives. This is the difficult art of loving nonattachment. How can we love others and engage in our lives wholeheartedly without clinging and without fear?

By knowing that the cup is already broken… The end is certain. This life of mine is already over. Everyone and everything is here and gone in one breath.

Becoming in tune with this fact helps you appreciate life and let go. What do we mean by appreciate and let go?

You live with intention. You don’t take things for granted. As some Zen teachers put it, you become intimate with your experience of life. But at the same time, you’re not attached. Everything is in a constant state of change and impermanence. The cup is already broken. We have to let go of the desire, the fear, and the need to have everything match our preferences in order to live with peace and ease. In other words, unconditional happiness (or unconditional okay-ness as I sometimes call it) means letting go of the conditions!

Letting go is letting go of living all the time as though you have to be doing something, solving something, or moving toward something, and just experiencing being.

If you want to be a leader, learn to love and let go in every moment.

On my third day at the Zen center in the hills, we started work.

I was in maintenance. And I couldn’t believe what I walked into. The bathhouse had a big pipe sticking out of the back. Beside it, someone had taken several big plastic trash cans, punched out the bottoms, and sawed them in half. There was a clog. This was not a clogged toilet. This was a clogged bathhouse. Think a clogged toilet multiplied by eight.

So we needed to open up the outflow pipe and get in there, but to do this, we needed to line up the cans and line them with plastic to create a funnel. Now, I’m no engineer, but I think the proper term for this is a DIY, semi-homemade crap chute.

So we started to make this happen. And I’m thinking to myself, “Go live as a Zen monk,” they said. “It will be peaceful,” they said. “It’ll be profound, easy, and stress-free”— yeah, real profound.

So we got in there hands-on, undid the pipe, and tried to navigate this flow of fluid and debris, and golly. And as we went about it, I remembered a Zen story.

It is said that a samurai asked a Zen master of his time to show him the meaning of Heaven and Hell.

The Zen master declared him and idiot and said he would never know such wisdom. The samauri filled with shame and rage and as he went to cut down the master, the master said “that is hell”.

The samurai was so full of gratitude and insight that the master risked his life to teach this way. He dropped to his knees in serenity and compassion. The master said, “that is heaven.”

These states exist right here. Heaven and Hell exist in your mind and heart. It’s up to you where you go.

So, in that moment, all I could do was let go. That’s what letting go is about. It’s not holding on to preferences or the conditions placed upon your happiness. And as I did this, I remember thinking to myself, “Isn’t this funny?”

I looked at Jeff knowingly and started to crack a smile, then a little laugh, and next thing you know, we were laughing hysterically as we did this. We were like two kids playing in the mud. And that morning wasn’t so bad.

If you want to be a leader, learn to laugh while you deal with life’s sh—.

It is said that a student asked the great Zen teacher Suzuki Roshi about their group. He said, “Each one of you is perfect just as you are, and you could use a little bit of improvement.”

What seems like a paradox perfectly captures what I think is the heart of leadership — again, leadership not exclusively in a corporate setting, but in your relationships and in life. It’s high challenge and high support. It’s not just about being nice. It’s about being compassionate, which can require accountability and helping others get better, both of which are difficult.

It’s really the unconditional love of a parent: “You’re perfect just as you are, but you could use a little bit of improvement.” I support you wholeheartedly, and I want you to be your best.

If you want to be a leader, remember that people are perfect and can use improvement.

There’s a story of the Buddha talking to his first and closest disciple. It goes something like this…

Ānanda — “Venerable sir, this is half of the holy life, that is, good friendship, good companionship, good comradeship.”

Buddha — “Not so, Ānanda! Not so, Ānanda! This is the entire holy life, Ānanda, that is, good friendship, good companionship, good comradeship…”

The symbol of the highest being in Zen is the Bodhisattva. This is essentially someone who has enlightenment. They’ve gone beyond the world of suffering, pain, or misfortune. But out of compassion for everyone else, they return to that realm and vow that they will not leave until they have helped everyone else be free from suffering.

While we think of Zen or monkshood as a lonesome endeavor, I looked back on the memories and things that had the greatest impact during my time at the Zen center, a lot of them had to do with teachers, friends, and social celebrations. And at the same time, the hardest part of my time there was being away from my tribe of friends and family in Western Pennsylvania.

So I believe that we do the “inner” work of Zen — working so hard on our own mind and heart so that we ultimately can engage with others in a way that deepens relationships and connection.

If you want to be a leader, remember that the real measure of wealth is the amount of love you give and receive.

Be where your feet are. Train your mind to live in awareness as that is the foundation for composure, insight, and enjoying the ride.

Contemplate that the cup is already broken — live with intention to appreciate and let go.

Laugh well while you do with life’s crap because heaven (pleasure) and hell (pain) exist largely within you.

And challenge and support people. Because true wealth is love and nothing more.

Remember these five things and you will be a leader in work and in life.

Your happiness nerd,

Jackson

Of course, I’m kidding, but I do want to offer a perspective on wealth that may inform what you prioritize in life. Of course, we’re all busy, and if you’re anything like me, it feels like the week kind of flies by. You’ve got work and then other things, and it’s just kind of a blur.

But once in a while, you have one of those moments — maybe when you get out of the shower and relax or first lay down in bed — where you take a second, pause, and take inventory. And sometimes in those moments of pause, you really appreciate the life you’re living.

I had such a moment of awareness this week that really stuck with me.

See, it’s Thursday morning as I sit here and write, and I’m looking back at the week.

• Sunday morning — hike with someone who has been one of my best friends since we were 10 years old.

• Monday — softball game with probably eight of my closest friends and for a couple of hours afterwards, we were sitting around the table and I’m thinking to myself, “Man, like 10 of us all sitting around this table on a Monday — that’s something.”

• Tuesday night — not much doing but for about an hour before bed, I caught up with my roommate. Now, here’s a guy whom I met when we were in 10th grade as guidance counselor assistants for one period a day. We basically sat in the office and talked to each other about nothing for 50 minutes a day.

• Last night — I got back from the gym and popped over to a restaurant for a couple of hours with three other friends.

And so, as I got up this morning, like I said, I had one of those moments: “Man, you want to talk about rich? That’s rich. That’s wealth. That’s abundance.”

I look at this one week in the summer. You can put me up with any freaking millionaire or billionaire you want — Musk, Bezos, Gates — and I’m telling you, I’m not sure they’re living the lifestyle I am!

You see, when it comes to happiness, the true measure of wealth is not financial — it’s a matter of relationships and time.

It’s one thing for me to say that, but there’s good research on this point. A study I always come back to is the Grant Study at Harvard University, the longest-running study of its kind looking at adult health and happiness. They’ve measured people across three generations over almost 100 years, and they found that one thing remains truer than anything else.

The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life. How happy you are and how long you live, surprisingly, are functions of your social wealth. And this is not necessarily a popularity contest so much as it is having what I’d call a tribe of true relationships that you get to spend time with.

So let me give you simple practices you can begin to implement right away to become wealthier.

When I was in college, a traveling monk (true story) told me that one old friend is worth two new ones. Now, I’m a hometown guy, so I’m a little biased, but I think there’s something to that. And there is some social science research that suggests that friendship decay is a real problem and that it contributes to increased levels of loneliness as you get older, which leads to worse mental health. Friendship decay is the term psychologists have given it, but it’s pretty intuitive that, basically, you don’t keep investing in your old relationships.

So here is maybe one hour that had the biggest return on investment in my happiness in the last few years.

One day in college I decided to list out the relationships that were important to me: some old friends, some cousins, some business and professional-type friends, and mentors. I probably had only 50 names on there. But then I went through that list and wrote down how often I’d like to keep in touch with them.

So, for example, it could be a colleague from the consulting academy in Alabama who is more of an acquaintance, and I might want to reach out to them once or twice a year. Whereas one of my college best friends I might want to talk to every month. And then, with my inner circle and Mom, Dad, etc. I might want to talk every week. I just wrote down a number for each one, and then I spent an hour putting reminders into my calendar.

So now, as I go through my week, out of nowhere, I might see a little reminder that says something to the effect of, “When’s the last time you got in touch with Louis, Hank, or your cousin Dan?”

Now, as you’re reading this, you’re probably saying, “Wow, that’s super OCD/autistic of you, Jackson.” Well, yes, it is, but tell me: what would be a better use of one hour of your time? Are you going to go answer three or four of your 500 unread emails or watch a couple of episodes of Love Island?

There’s probably nothing more important you can do than bring intention to your social relationships. You can apply this to family, partners, friends, colleagues, etc.

Having done this I like to turn it into an ongoing rule of thumb: anytime you catch yourself being bored, instead of defaulting to distraction, give someone a phone call or text to keep in touch.

Now, there’s an art to this. In the first sentence or two when they answer, you need to give them an out. Meaning, you don’t want people to feel pressured into having to talk if they’re in the middle of something, so I always say something like, “Hey, just saying hi. Don’t let me keep you if you’re in the middle of something.”

But this is a great activity if you have regular driving time or maybe an hour in the evening when you don’t feel like sitting there scrolling or watching TV. I’m usually good for a couple of hours of catch-ups in a week, when I’m just driving or doing nothing (not that there’s anything wrong with doing nothing).

So, just like there are practices that will help you be financially wealthy, like mastery of a high-demand, low-supply skill set, financial discipline, and dependability, there are practices that will help you be truly wealthy when it comes to happiness.

Make your list of relationships and don’t let them decay. Keep in touch and invest your time in the most important asset. Play it right and with a bit of luck you may end up with a lifestyle that even a billion dollars can’t buy you.

Your happiness nerd,

Jackson

There are a lot of options for this fill-in-the-blank, and if I’m being honest, I’ve probably made several claims to that effect with things like relationships, intention, learning, etc.

But I’ll throw my hat in the ring for another one here today and give you a brief guide on how to develop it.

Emotional Intelligence

The simplest way to understand this is to think about IQ as your intellectual processing power. EQ is your ability to understand and manage your emotions and recognize and influence the emotions of others.

Here’s a visual for that from Dan Goleman, who developed this concept.

As it relates to happiness, think about what we’re saying here. If you have the ability to, in almost every given moment, recognize the emotional state you’re in and then regulate that emotional state to move yourself to a more productive and/or pleasant state, you essentially have happiness under control. Obviously, there are some caveats, such as bad things happening, financial hardship, health issues, etc.

But if, in any given moment, happiness is essentially your state of being and you have the ability to observe and influence your state of being, then voilà.

So here’s the simplest way I can teach emotional intelligence: you have to understand where you are on the map and then move yourself to different positions on the map.

When I say map, I mean something I’m about to show you. Every psychological state essentially exists on this XY graph.

You can think of it this way: Is it positive, as in pleasant, or negative, as in unpleasant? Is it high-energy or low-energy?

So, for example, a high-energy, negative state might be anger or something similar, and a low-energy, positive state might be contentment or relaxation.

So all you need to do for step one is recognize where you and others are at any given moment on that map.

Once you have your coordinates, so to speak, you can then, from that place of awareness, change your mind or body to move toward a new position on the map.

If you’re in the low-energy, negative place corresponding to a sad or depressed state, you need to move up and to the right. You can do that by jumping up and down, smiling, thinking about something you’re excited about, watching a funny video, etc.

If you’re in the high-energy, negative place corresponding to rage, you need to move down and to the right. You can take a few deep breaths with long exhales, do some slow stretching, list five things you’re thankful for, imagine a beautiful, peaceful, still lake, or say a prayer.

So there are hundreds of strategies you can use to change your psychological state, most of which, again, involve changing your focus (mind) or physiology (body).

I’ll keep this as a short thought and leave it at a high level. Happiness is not just something that happens to you, but it’s also something that is up to you.

By developing your emotional intelligence, you can self-direct your emotional context and influence the emotional context of others. All you really need to do is practice locating yourself on the emotional map and then charting a new, more pleasant and productive course.

Your happiness nerd,

Jackson

“The issue is not that productivity is bad. Most of us need the satisfaction of doing useful work. The problem comes when productivity becomes the only way we know how to measure whether a day has mattered.” — Dr. Robert Waldinger

This quote reminded me of my experience with what I call “productivity anxiety”—a sense that my fundamental orientation and way of operating in life is to get things done efficiently.

Oliver Burkeman explains it well when he refers to “productivity debt.”

Many people (by which I mean me) seem to feel as if they start off each morning in a kind of “productivity debt,” which they must struggle to pay off through the day, in hopes of reaching a zero balance by the time evening comes. Few things feel more basic to my experience of adulthood than this vague sense that I’m falling behind and need to claw my way back up to some minimum standard of output. It’s as if I need to justify my existence by staying “on top of things” in order to stave off some ill-defined catastrophe that might otherwise come crashing down upon my head.

And make no mistake: paying off your imaginary productivity debt completely—in other words, working so hard and so efficiently that you no longer feel like you’re falling behind—is literally impossible, not just grueling and unpleasant. In the modern world of work, there’s no limit to the number of emails you might receive, the demands your boss might make, the ambitions you might have for your career, etcetera—so there’s no reason to believe you’ll ever get to the end of them.

So I’d encourage you to practice what Swami Kripalu refers to as the highest spiritual practice: self-observation without judgment.

To what extent are you optimizing your life equation for efficient task completion versus something else? To what extent do you feel a subtle (or not-so-subtle), gnawing, anxious tug imbued with guilt to be more productive? To what extent do you feel psychologically at rest only when you’ve paid off your so-called productivity debt?

If you feel this rings true, here is a musing on reworking this perspective…

I remember standing at the overlook on my morning walk around sunrise last summer.

I heard what sounded like splashing. I saw two deer—a mother and child—running around. At first, I thought something had scared them off. But they kept zig-zagging back and forth across the edge of the big puddle in which they had been splashing.

Then they started to run out in a circle and come pouncing into the puddle, turning in circles as they kicked up water. It became clear that they were playing—they were dancing their dance, stomping the water-covered floor just like kids jumping in puddles.

And that is a moment frozen in my mind. Can I be that way? Can I live that way? Deer are fighting for their lives every day. I have no such narrow margin to worry about. No matter what happens (with a few apocalyptic exceptions), I will be fed, sheltered, and, frankly, rich by the world’s standards.

So why can’t I play like these deer?

I’m reminded of two other Zen teachings.

One day, the monk who was taking care of the temple said to Yakusan, “You haven’t given a lecture for a long time, and the monks want to hear you. Please give us a lecture today.”

So Yakusan had a monk hit the bell to call everyone to the lecture hall. Then Yakusan entered and took the teacher’s seat. He sat for a while without saying anything, and then he left and went back to his room.

In Zen fashion, I’ll leave that story for you to ponder rather than attempt an explanation.

In a related passage, we hear a term called “the life of yusan gansui,” which means the life of strolling about mountains and waters. That feels like a brief yet powerful phrase — strolling through life.

This doesn’t mean no activity or refusing to do what you need or want to do. But what if you were to honor your calendar and to-do list in a way that felt like strolling through the mountains and wandering by the streams? What if you were to go through life more like these deer? And what if you measured the quality of your days less by productivity debt and more by having a good day?

(And if you figure out those “what-if” questions, please let me know, because I do not have the answer yet!)

Your happiness nerd,

Jackson

Even just like 10 lifetimes ago (depending on where you lived), it would be pretty darn common, on any given day, to get attacked, robbed, stabbed, murdered, or other similar misfortune.

Actually think about it.

You could get attacked by an animal or a rogue group of criminals and there would be pretty much nothing you could do. Similarly, you could break your leg or get a minor infection and instead of a few weeks of inconvenience, you’d basically suffer for a few months then die.

In short, the past must have sucked!

So bringing this back to happiness, here’s a 1-3 minute thing you can do every day to feel better… Think about the fact that you’re not living in the past.

Is your bed more comfortable than the ground?

Is your TV more entertaining than a fire?

Is your standard of living better than a peasant or caveman?

Of course I’m not saying this is the grail of happiness that’ll make all your problems go away.

But it helps to have perspective. If you were talking to your great-great-great (to the power of 10) grandparents living in the pre-colonized United States, the stresses they faced would have been things like starvation, attacks from other tribes, trying not to freeze to death, etc.

Meanwhile you’re stressed out because you can’t stay on top of your email and there was construction on the highway. Come off it! (That’s mostly a shot at myself but sorry if it applies to you too).

So as you go through your workday or face some personal inconveniences or feel otherwise anxious, think about putting yourself back into the shoes of someone from a few thousand years ago.

That’s one way to reset your happiness expectations.

your happiness nerd,

Jackson

If you’re like most people, it’s probably in the seven-to-eight range. Or, if you’re like me (you overachiever, you), it might be a nine or ten.

I have good news and bad news.

One study asked thousands of Americans about their stress levels. Researchers then followed up with them to see who became sick and who died.

Fun!

As you may have expected—this is the bad news I mentioned—those who experienced more stress had worse health and a higher risk of death from all causes.

But here’s the interesting part…

Researchers also asked people whether they thought stress was bad for them. The pattern I mentioned above — that more stress leads to worse health and a shorter life—was only true for people who believed stress was bad for them!

In other words, it’s not just stress, but your perspective on stress, that may shape how it affects your happiness.

This insight is backed by compelling research from Dr. Alia Crum.

To understand the power of perspective, let’s start with the milkshake study. Dr. Crum had two groups of people: one was told they were getting a delicious, unhealthy milkshake-style smoothie, while the other was told they were getting a healthy fitness smoothie. Afterward, each group was asked how much they enjoyed the drink and how full they felt. Researchers even measured hormones related to hunger to identify differences in their physiological responses to the meal.

As you may have expected, people who thought they had received the decadent milkshake said they enjoyed it more and felt fuller. Their hormone levels — including ghrelin — also indicated that they felt more satiated.

Here’s the catch: it was the same milkshake.

Our perspective on events can fundamentally shape how we respond to them, even at the physiological level. Now, let’s apply that idea to stress.

Dr. Crum would set up experiences that were maximally stress-inducing (more fun!). For example, participants might have to stand in front of a group and solve mental math problems out loud.

Other experiments involved longer-term scenarios in which people dealt with stress in settings such as the workplace.

In each case, one group would be shown a “stress is debilitating” presentation explaining how stress makes you less effective, makes you sick, and undermines your ability to be effective and healthy.

The other group received a “stress is enhancing” presentation explaining that, while large amounts of stress can be toxic, stress can also make you more focused and alert and improve your performance.

Across different studies, people with a stress-is-enhancing mindset responded better— both physically and mentally — to stressful environments.

So, this is not to say that you need to actively seek out a lot more stress. It’s simply to say that a new perspective on the stress you already encounter — assuming it is not chronic or traumatic — may help you be happier and healthier.

Your happiness nerd,

Jackson

Reference: Crum AJ, Salovey P, Achor S. Rethinking stress: the role of mindsets in determining the stress response. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2013 Apr;104(4):716-33. doi: 10.1037/a0031201. Epub 2013 Feb 25. PMID: 23437923.

The student suggested that they go on a picnic. But the mentor was so busy that days and weeks and months went by.

So the student suggested again – “how about that picnic?”

“Oh yeah, yeah…” said his mentor “we’ll get around to that in a couple weeks…”
A few more months went by.

On this day the two were walking back from town. As they crossed through the center street there was a long line of people dressed in black marching along carrying a coffin behind them. The mentor couldn’t quite see what was going on, so he asked the student.

And he said, “it looks like they’re having a picnic.”

What’s your picnic?

When I sit down to write I always try to think of this question: what’s the most important thing I can share right now with respect to happiness?

Once I decided to ask one of my Zen teachers that question: what’s the most important thing for happiness.

His answer surprised me: Letting go.

In this case, letting go is not just giving up or saying “F it, doesn’t matter.” It’s more like letting go of the orientation towards life as something that is always a doing. It’s so easy to live your life as if it’s preparation for something else. You’re on your way there. You’re preparing for the weekend then preparing for the week. Everything is an activity to complete something.

What if we were – sometimes – able to operate from a mode of not going anywhere or getting something done?

As Suzuki Roshi said, your life is not preparation for something else. This is it. This doesn’t necessarily mean you just sit around all day. It’s more like letting go of completion or achievement in the act of the doing. It’s letting go of the outcome. It’s maybe even not giving a sh*t (but in a Zen enlightened way).

As Matsuo Bashō, in the Oku no Hosomichi (Narrow Road to the Interior), wrote every day is a journey, and the journey itself home.

your happiness nerd,

Jackson K.

Today, I’m no longer fat but I’m still an idiot (you can laugh at that).

Anyway, I’m not sure what caused that tendency, as I had pretty normal, supportive parents. I seem to have a naturally aggressive temper when it comes to competitiveness and my own failure. I rarely get so upset with others.

But even today, I have this self-directed rage when it comes to mistakes. And I still have my moments. A few years ago, I was hanging out with my cousin, who has been close with me since we were five. He spilled something, looked over at me, laughed, and started to fake hit himself, calling himself a fat, stupid idiot.

We had a good laugh about that, but since then, it’s become sort of a psychological tool for me. When I fail, forget something, or make a stupid mistake, I notice that same internal rage and resentment storming up. But then, most of the time, I catch it and label it as “the fat, stupid idiot.” Sometimes I’ll even chuckle to myself as I picture hitting myself and smashing my helmet or ripping my batting gloves (from my Little League baseball days).

Now, having studied various modes of psychology, I see there’s something to this.

Cognitive behavioral therapy essentially consists of identifying cognitive distortions (poor ways of perception and thinking that undermine happiness) so you can dispute them and shape a new approach to your inner world and outer response.

Psychoanalysis has you look back over your past to identify ways in which elements of your psychology undermine your well-being today, and then you work to reshape those patterns.

There are more behavioral psychology models, like competing response theory. Focus on identifying triggers for detrimental habits and then inserting new responses. For instance, keep an index card. Every time you go to bite your nails, take out the card and write down what you felt. Then rub your hands together or jump up and down or do some other stimulation and check it off on the card. Slowly, you rewire the habit.

Many others, like compassionate inquiry, the Hoffman process, and family psychology, challenge you to look back at your upbringing for unhelpful coping tendencies that don’t serve you well today. You label them and then take steps to reprogram them.

So, pretty much all you’re doing in any of these cases is what I accidentally started doing with my “fat, stupid idiot” bit. You’re bringing awareness to a pattern — a constellation of interrelated thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. You identify or label it. Then, from that place of awareness, you can recondition or establish a new pattern. Over time, you repattern your psychology.

So, try this exercise: identify your favorite flavor of suffering or your most common unhelpful pattern. That is your version of the “fat, stupid idiot” pattern.

Is it a tendency to repress yourself, withdraw due to anxiety, or be a people-pleaser that leads to stress? Whatever it is, give it a label so that whenever it arises, it evokes awareness.

Step two is designing a new, intentional pattern to plug in there.

Another one of my favorites is whenever I’m feeling anxious and tense about getting things done, I think of people on farms in Africa or in factories in China working much harder than me. I exhale and say to myself, “So much time and so little to do.”

Let’s see if over the next week you can identify a pattern, label it, and then do something wacky, funny, or at least intentional to repattern it.

If I see you out there laughing hysterically as you hit yourself in the head and call yourself a fat, stupid idiot, I will know that you read this essay!

Your happiness nerd,

Jackson (thin, stupid idiot)

Imagine it’s around the year 1900.

An old Italian economist, named Vilfredo Pareto, is relaxing in his garden. And today he noted something curious. He has 10 plants that have produced about 50 peas. But about 40 of the peas have come from just two of the plants while the other 8 plants barely produced any peas.

He observed this pattern several more times. So, he decided to bring this line of thinking, comparing the distribution of inputs to outputs, into his field. In almost an identical distribution, he found that about 20% of the population in Italy owned 80% of the land. He found that in Britain about 25% of taxpayers accounted for 75% of tax revenue. In the modern world, it looks more like the top 8% own about 85% of total wealth (that’s from Credit Suisse in 2013, estimates vary).

It’s important to note that the distribution is not always 80 to 20 and it need not sum to 100.

For example, it may be that 15% of drivers cause 97% of wrecks. It may be that 5% of your clients contribute 70% of your revenue. It may be that 1% of TV shows get 85% of the viewership.

This concept would go on to be called by several names: the Pareto Principle, the Trivial Many and Vital Few, and the 80/20 Rule (amongst others). It’s now an established concept in fields ranging from economics to management to chaos theory and physics. But what can this do for you?

You tell me...

If you examine your work and life you may find the following to be true. Do approximately 20% of people, situations, or inconveniences contribute 80% of your stress?

Does approximately 20% of your time in a given week contribute 80% of your enjoyment?

Can you identify a few recurring things that lead to the vast majority of the problems in your workplace?

And if you look back over the last few months can you identify just a few things you did or focused on that had the most outsized impact?

The point is, you can apply this way of thinking to better understand your work and life so as to minimize unhappiness and maximize happiness.

your happiness nerd,

Jackson K.

PS I recommend The 80/20 Principle by Richard Koch.

Well, how do we effectively pursue, or perhaps cultivate, happiness?

It starts with this (spoiler alert): you’re going to die.

Yes, you.

(Also, can you tell I’ve been working on my writing hooks?)

In all seriousness, I can pretty much guarantee that in the next 100 years, this will be the case.

I start here because I’ve come to believe that acknowledging death — and even contemplating it from time to time — helps you live with far more clarity and intention. In this writing, I’ll explain why, and how it fits into a life operating system that takes about 5-10 minutes a day.

So, why start here?

Let me introduce you to a woman named Bronnie Ware. Around the year 2000, she took a job as a palliative care nurse helping people in their final days of life. Over eight years, she built relationships and had many conversations, seeking to understand the state of mind and wisdom these people had to share.

One day in 2009, she decided to write a blog post about something on her mind. She noticed the same handful of regrets consistently expressed by these people in their final days.

The post went viral, and a few years later, she published her book on the top regrets of the dying. Here they are, in my own words:

• I wish I had been true to myself.

• I wish I had not worked so much.

• I wish I had not lost touch with friends.

• I wish I had allowed myself to be happy and to express what I really felt.

Can you see yourself regretting anything similar?

This is a powerful exercise because it helps you identify which traps to avoid and how to start living right now.

That said, research shows we naturally avoid considering our mortality. To that point, a 2019 study had an experiment in which people viewed videos of faces, including their own, morphing into other faces over six seconds. The participants were to press a button when they felt that the face had changed to another person’s. Appearing over the faces were various words with death-related connotations. When one saw his or her own face with a death word, they pressed the button sooner, suggesting that participants wanted to avoid associating death with themselves.

It’s worth overcoming this natural avoidance because this sort of death reflection is step one in a 3-step happiness scorecard process: a “life operating system” so to speak.

Step 1: Imagine

You are time-traveling to yourself in your 80s. From that vantage point, you look back on your life right now. What advice do you have for your current self? What might you regret in terms of the decisions you’re making or how you’re spending your time?

It may help to think about the core components of your life quality, which I define as physical, mental, and relationship health.

Stay in that state of mind as your older self for one more moment. When you look back on the story of your life, what needs to be true for you to feel extremely satisfied with it?

Great, take some notes on this, because you now have a vision.

Step 2: Ground

Ground this vision into your day-to-day life. Here’s how: turn your insights from Step 1 into 5-10 daily questions. Create a scorecard, either on paper or digitally.

On the left, list your 5 to 10 short reflection questions. On the right, create a box where you can score yourself with a simple yes/no or good/bad.

For example: Today, did I spend time on X? Did I do a good job letting go of the little things? Did I train my body? Did I train my mind? Did I do something to nurture a relationship? Did I work on something meaningful? Did I spend too much time distracted? Did I lose my temper?

These can be whatever you want, but they should tie back to the insight you had earlier about what is most important to you.

Now, at the end of each week, you will review that scorecard.

Step 3: Review

Put 15 minutes on your calendar at the end of each week to review how you did.

Here’s a neat discovery I made the other day: there are only five things you can do regarding anything in life. Start, stop, increase, decrease, or sustain (no change).

Look back at your scorecard and ask yourself: do I need to start, stop, increase, decrease, or sustain any elements of my life? What do I need to do to be better next week?

Simply repeat this process for the rest of your life...

This system takes your vision down to the ground level of day-to-day life, continually checking and adjusting. Weeks on track turn into months on track, which turn into years on track, which ultimately turns into living your life on purpose — and avoiding Bronnie‘s list of regrets.

Build the life you want one day at a time, and don’t fall off the beam. You won’t be perfect, but you gotta start somewhere.

Imagine. Ground. Review. Repeat.

Your happiness nerd,

Jackson K

The answer: drugs and alcohol.

(Just kidding.)

In this article, I share three tools to manage your mind that are more concrete and effective than positive thinking.

Imagine. You’re anxious and discouraged because you’re not following through on commitments you’ve made to yourself that are needed to reach your goals. So you say to yourself again and again, “I am the best. I have it all. I am amazing…”

What does your mind say?

“Shut up! You haven’t done crap. What are you talking about?”

Then you’re thinking, wait — why isn’t this working? Your positive thinking is now causing negative thinking. You’re stressed about your stress.

Meanwhile, you haven’t really changed how you relate to yourself or the processing of your perceptions. So, instead, try these mind tools.

1. Act your way into thinking (instead of thinking about acting).

2. Try the Lo-Me-Hi frames so that you see reality as it is (but not worse than it is).

3. Use the self-parenting dynamic.

You’re more likely to act yourself into a new way of thinking than think yourself into a new way of acting.

You can sit around and think and think and think — but the moment you act, it’s real. You need proof. It’s hard to change the mind with the mind, so focus on changing action to change the mind.

For example, when seeking confidence, thinking “be more confident” is less effective than smiling and approaching the situation without hesitation (pretending to be certain). And when seeking composure, thinking “calm down, calm down” is less effective than doing three physiological sighs (google it).

The same holds true for the long term. If you want to be more disciplined, more positive, more social, more spiritual, etc., you are far more likely to make progress by acting a whole bunch than you are by thinking.

Do one thing that makes you uncomfortable every day (discipline). Give one compliment every day (positive). Call/text a friend every day (social). Go for a walk in the woods every day and go to church weekly (spiritual). In each of these cases, acting will change your way of thinking more than thinking will.

As James Clear put it, “choose who you want to be and prove it to yourself with small wins.”

Use the Lo-Me-Hi approach to see reality as it is (but not worse than it is).

Psychologists say explanatory style — e.g., how you explain events — shapes your pessimism versus optimism. In my experience watching my mind, we tend to default to some way-off-track explanations when things happen to us (especially anything emotional).

So try explaining it through three lenses. Lo is the worst possible explanation. Anything bad that happens is because you’re a fat stupid idiot and you deserve it (fun!).

Hi is the ridiculously delusional explanation: that beautiful girl ignored my texts and it’s not because she’s engaged and out of my league, it’s because I am so freaking attractive and cool that I probably scared her off.

Then once you have gotten a good laugh at your own thinking, come back to Me — try to shoot the gap with an explanation that is a bit more aligned with reality.

This helps you to observe your own distorted thinking and renew some sanity.

Try to relate to yourself (your mind) as a parent.

I was coaching a top sales performer. He was hammering himself for getting distracted and not setting boundaries and not being good enough. So, I asked him to think for a second how he would coach, motivate, and discipline his kids?

What if you were to relate to yourself that way in terms of your self-management?

Think about it, even if you don’t have kids, you’ll get it. Imagine your daughter strikes out in her softball game. Do you say, “you dumbsh— why don’t you try opening your eyes next time?!”

Probably not. Now, if you know she didn’t practice at all, you may still challenge her and create discipline. But you are doing it from a place of belief, love, and support. It’s not about pure positivity; it’s high challenge and high support. It’s a loving discipline grounded in unconditional care and respect. That’s unique to parenting.

Contrast that with how we (including myself) normally relate to ourselves (especially when it comes to doing something better).

If you really want a more effective relationship with yourself, be a parent to your mind.

Act your way into thinking. Use Lo-Me-Hi to evoke awareness of your own processing pattern. And bring the loving discipline of a good parent to your mind. Use these tools to navigate your mind a bit more skillfully.

Your happiness nerd,

Jackson K

I also did a reread this year of Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.

It’s a gem — both entertaining and instructive. If you’re looking for personal change or to lead change in an organization, I recommend it. You’ll learn the neuroscience by and application of real change.

yrs

Jackson K.

• Remember Charles Duhigg’s Lisa – focus on one transformational keystone habit. For Lisa she set an emotionally compelling future vision to hike through the desert. So, she felt she had to finally quit smoking. This led her to start eating a little healthier, then exercising sometimes. And after a couple years she had lost sixty pounds, run a marathon, and earned her first stable job. The one new habit replaced old ones creating a “keystone” — one habit that has a ripple effect on many other areas.

• Eugene, the amnesia victim, could walk around the block and make himself breakfast because our habits are hard wired into the basal ganglia with no or minimal thinking required.

• Pepsodent is the secret. Before the “tingling” sensation in toothpaste, no one brushed. You must create a craving to drive the cue, routine, reward loop of a habit. You have a simple, obvious cue then a well defined reward, sometimes delivered intermittently, that will code the routine into a habit.

• The key is to preserve the old cue and reward, to the extent possible, but change the routine. For example, AA works by shifting routines for cues and rewards around feelings and drinking.

• Try competing response theory. For example, take an index card and make a checkmark and a note every time you experience a certain craving. Then after that’s done for a few days, replace your current routine with some other stimulation (e.g. instead of checking social media, go for a 7 minute walk). Make a star each time you successfully override the old habit with a new one. This essentially works on building awareness and recognition first, so that you can then reshape your response.

Read more

David Allen said “the mind is for having ideas, not holding them.”

Einstein said “the mind is used to think, pen and paper is used to write things down that we need to remember.”

I’ve come to believe the biggest source of stress and burnout is not even always necessarily the amount of work tasks. But it’s the cognitive load of keeping all of it in your head.

Imagine you have 100 pounds of dirt that you need to move from one end of a field to another. You can try piling it all into your arms or in your pockets or carrying it on your back in a big sack. That’s gonna be a lot of work. Alternatively, you can take a small handful. Run it to one of the field would run it back and do that a million times. An ideal alternative would be to use a wheelbarrow to bring the loads of dirt to the under end of the field. Think about what you’re doing you’re moving the same amount the same distance, but you’re using an external tool to bear the load.

Now apply that thinking to the cognitive load of all your various tasks. You need to build a personal operating system (pOS) that gets things out of your head and into a usable rhythm that will help you shift from reactive to proactive work. If you feel yourself overwhelmed, and putting out fires all day, unable to focus on the long-term strategic things that really matter, this is for you.

Here it is as in the simplest form possible. You need a project / priorities list for bigger ongoing initiatives and goals. You need an actions list of single concrete steps. And you need a waiting for list which is where you capture things that you are waiting on from others.

At the end of each workday (or later in the evening) take 15 minutes blocked on your calendar. During that time you’re going to look at these lists. Then you’re going to pick the 3-5 most important things you need to do the next day. Then you’re going to estimate how long each one will take leaving at least a 15 minute cushion because we have a tendency to underestimate things. Then put those into your calendar as appointments with yourself. Caution here, do not give yourself seven hours worth of pre-planned tasks. That is unrealistic.

The idea here is maybe the first 3-5 hours of your day will be proactively planned leaving sufficient white space to react to unexpected and urgent things that come up later on. Now, here is the beauty of the system, when your workday starts instead of feeling scattered and overwhelmed with 1 million different things to choose from and incoming things to react to. You honor the commitment you made to yourself to work on the three most important things. Then if you get through them and still have white space, the beauty of it is, you can look back at your list of priorities and actions and identify what is most important for you to do.

This creates a personal operating system instead of keeping everything in your head.

You can of course extend a couple additional life or well-being related tasks such as “go for a walk after work” or “call my friend Josh”.

Try this out and let me know what you think!

Or… You can reply or go here to meet with me and talk through it because I’m turning this into my first signature coaching program: » Personal Operating System «

Your happiness nerd,

Jackson K.

Why this book?

Well, there's compelling research I've shared before that relationships really are the most important variable for your quality of life. So, it's not a big leap to say a book that makes you immensely more effective in dealing with people would be essential reading when it comes to happiness.

This book, more than anything else, helped reform me from a stubborn, argumentative, a**hole to a relatively tolerable social companion (although I still relapse on occasion).

Please enjoy this shorthand notes summary of Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends & Influence People…

Above all else…

1. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain. Consider all the criminals who thought they were in the right. Consider lessons from Lincoln and Franklin. And remember the father forgets. Dr. Johnson says “God himself, sir, does not propose to judge man until the end of his days. Why should you and I?”

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation. The deepest desire is to be important. Charles Schwab, the first man to make a $1 million salary as the president US Steel said, “I consider my ability to arise enthusiasm among my people the greatest asset I possess and the way to develop the best that is in a person is by appreciation and encouragement. There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticism from superiors… I am hearty in my approbation and lavish in my praise.”

3. Instill in the other person an eager want. Henry Ford said, “If there is one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person‘s point of view and see things from that person‘s angle, as well as from your own.”

Win friends.

1. Become genuinely interested in other people. Remember the chain stored debate — a salesman who hated chainstores ended up selling a national account by going to their owner and listening to him defend their merits. Dogs are the greatest teachers of this.

2. Smile. This can transform your day.

3. Know their name. A person’s name is to them the sweetest and most important sound in any language. Remember the Pullman Palace car company example from Andrew Carnegie.

Read more

Here are the summary notes from my reread of Atomic Habits by James Clear. It’s one of the classics in my “happiness library” as ultimately happiness (in its many forms) is an output that comes from lifestyle ingredients. And your lifestyle is essentially a culmination of your habits.

Although — yes to the counterpoint — that sometimes awful sh*t happens to you too.

What’s one habit you can create or eliminate for your happiness?

yrs,

Jackson K.

• What if you got 1% happier every day? In about 75 days you’d be twice as happy…

• The secret to so much of life is compounding. Can one dollar make you rich? Can one night of not brushing your teeth make them fall out? The answer, somewhat paradoxically, is yes.

• Focus on your trajectory more than your results.

• Cancer spends 80% of its life dormant and Bamboo is invisible for five years. Momentum builds up then it hits a threshold of visibility, like ice melting at 32°.

• Focus on systems (inputs) more than goals (outputs).

• Change will flow from identity (beliefs, world, views, self image, judgments, etc.) to behaviors (systems) to results. Right now, decide who you want to be and prove it with your habits.

• Cue leads to craving leads to response leads to rewards then repeat — that’s a habit.

Read more

We’ll cover the science in a moment. But consider this – it’s a Sunday afternoon and you’re out on a beautiful fall hike with some friends or family by the lake. You take a seat by the edge of the water and take in the sun, breeze, and blue sky. How are you feeling at that moment?

There are exceptions to the rule. But odds are you feel pretty darn good, or at the very least, alright. But alright in the real sense, as in “all is right.”

I often wonder, is our increasing separation from nature the problem – so to speak?

Perhaps a lack of connection to nature is responsible, at least in part, for our present-day issues with chronic illness and mental health issues.

In Rewilding: Meditations, Practices, and Skills for Awakening in Nature, Micah Mortali argues that a disconnect from nature is a disconnect from our nature. It may be that much of this sort of psychological discomfort is born out of a desire to get out of the world of abstraction and mental over-stimulation and into the embodied experience of being interwoven with the natural world.

He uses terms like inter-species loneliness, ecological boredom, and life force deficit to describe the impact of the lost connection with nature. In my words, it’s the “SeaWorld Effect.” There are many stories of the highly intelligent orca whale captured to live out its life in a small, artificial pool forced to entertain crowds. Most of these stories go on with the whales beginning to exhibit psychosis, depression, and their fins becoming so atrophied that it flops over to one side. In some cases, the whales resort to ramming themselves headlong into the walls of the enclosure or lashing out violently against their trainers.

Now, at this point, you may be thinking – “depressed whales, ecological boredom, and – did he just say life force?”

I’m not going to argue that this last paragraph is a totally scientific presentation (although there’s research to come). But it is worth considering the old Yogi Berra saying – “you can observe a lot by watching.”

We are not separate from nature; we come from nature. We are nature. For 99.5% of our species’ history, we lived embedded in the natural world. We actively participated in the community of species in our ecosystems, we were constantly engaged in tasks that were tangible, and easy to get absorbed in: hunting, trapping, foraging (as opposed to staring at spreadsheets). And the natural world was the driving force of our daily life, social life, and spiritual life.

So, like the proverbial “fish out of water” – isn’t it quite possible that this disconnect can lead to what we can only refer to as “nature deficit disorder” with symptoms such as longing, loneliness, boredom, angst, and feeling like we’ve lost touch with the sort of life force?

In Voice of the Earth: An Exploration of Ecopsychology Theodore Roszak makes this same case. Roszak writes – “What the modern cultural environment has required of us is an enormous extroversion of attention and energy for the purpose of reshaping the Earth into a global industrial economy. For two centuries we have been subordinating the planet and our deepest personal needs to that project. This great act of collective alienation, I have suggested, lies at the root of both the environmental crisis and individual neurosis. In some way, at some point, a change of direction, a therapeutic turning inward, had to take place within a culture as maniacally driven as ours has been by the need to achieve and conquer.”

Suffice to say there’s an argument to be made for looking to the natural world when it comes to understanding what is not going so well and what could make us healthier. That’s where the research comes in.

There is an emerging arrow of research suggesting that nature can heal and sustain when it comes to well-being.

Forest bathing, also known as Shinrin-yoku or forest therapy, has been extensively examined in scientific literature for its role in enhancing both physical and psychological health. A meta-analysis conducted in 2017, which reviewed 64 papers, found that forest-based interventions benefit cardiovascular health, bolster the immune system, and improve mental health by alleviating stress, depression, anxiety, and negative emotions. (1)

A 2022 meta-analysis of randomized controlled trials found that forest therapy produced a significant reduction in symptoms of depression. (2) Another meta-analysis from the same year reported large and statistically significant improvements in mental health, particularly for anxiety and depression outcomes. (3)

Additionally, a 2019 meta-analysis focusing on cortisol – a biomarker of stress – found that forest bathing significantly lowered salivary cortisol levels compared to urban control settings, suggesting a robust short-term stress reduction effect. (4) A further review of urban residents, pooling 21 studies on blood pressure and 13 on cortisol, confirmed that forest therapy significantly reduces both blood pressure and stress, though results showed considerable variability. (5)

Taken together, the evidence suggests that nature immersion, particularly through forest-based activities, can act as a non-pharmacological intervention to support well-being. These interventions yield measurable psychological benefits like improved mood and reduced anxiety and depression as well as physiological gains like lowered stress hormones and enhanced cardiovascular function.

That said, researchers emphasize that differences in intervention type, duration, participant characteristics, and environmental context contribute to differences in outcomes. This underscores the need for more standardized, rigorously designed trials. But the existing body of research strongly supports nature as a reliable pathway to improved happiness and health.

For a deeper look into the research literature, visit: anft.earth/research/.

Application: Practices for Connecting with Nature

Again, drawing from Micah Mortali’s work in Rewilding, these are 10 steps to incorporate the natural world into your mindfulness, spiritual, or health practice.

If you live in a rural area, consider a short daily practice. If your location or schedule does not permit, start with a couple hours per week in a green space.

1. Intimacy – Get to know the land through first-hand experience. Simply spending time in a natural environment consistently can deepen your connection to nature.

2. Centering – Try to slow down, limit distractions, and give yourself permission to be without having to do anything.

3. Breathing – Practice some form of conscious breathing to reconnect with the present. The simplest practice is “breathing in I, know I am breathing in; breathing out, I know I am breathing out.”

4. Gratitude – Adopt an attitude of thankfulness for this moment, this experience, and this opportunity to be at home in nature.

5. Embodiment – Consider some intentional movements or warm ups to get out of your head (thoughts) and into your body and senses. You can gently circle your neck followed by your shoulders, arms, torso twists, hip circles, knee circles, then rolling your ankles. Smile.

6. “Fox Walk” – Try mindful walking. Imagine creeping through the forest like a mountain lion or fox. Feel into each and every step. Notice your body and surroundings as you go. Try it barefoot if able.

7. Sensory Expansion – There is an Eastern term called “samyama” which is a psychological state of absorption. It feels as though you have sort of dissolved into the present moment. Tap into the sights, sounds, smells, and sensations around you.

8. Sit Spot – Find a spot to sit down on the ground, on a log, on a bench, etc., and just sit as you savor the nature around you.

9. Bush Craft – As you go deeper into nature-related practices consider adopting a craft or hobby like woodworking, building shelters, fire making, etc.

10. Fire Circle – Get outdoors in this intentional style with a group of family or friends. Sit in a circle and enjoy one another’s company.

In summary, get outside. Bring intention to your time in nature – to rest, recover, and reconnect with your experience of the natural world. You’ll be happy you did.

1. Song, C., Ikei, H., & Miyazaki, Y. (2016). Physiological effects of nature therapy: A review of the research in Japan. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 13(8), 781.

2. Hansen, M. M., Jones, R., & Tocchini, K. (2017). Shinrin-yoku (forest bathing) and nature therapy: A state-of-the-art review. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 14(8), 851.

3. Kotera, Y., Richardson, M., & Sheffield, D. (2022). Effects of shinrin-yoku (forest bathing) and nature therapy on mental health: A meta-analysis. Frontiers in Psychology, 13, 934441.

4. Antonelli, M., Barbieri, G., & Donelli, D. (2019). Effects of forest bathing (shinrin-yoku) on levels of cortisol as a stress biomarker: A systematic review and meta-analysis. International Journal of Biometeorology, 63(8), 1117–1134.

5. Song, Y., et al. (2022). The effects of forest therapy on blood pressure and stress hormone levels in urban residents: A meta-analysis. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 19(15), 9203.

“On my appointment to the Dept. of Sociology established at the University of Bielefeld in 1969, I was asked what research projects I had running. My project was, and ever since has been, the theory of society; term: thirty years; costs: none.” — Niklas Luhmann

As I set out to create this resource, my project has been, and will continue to be, the theory of happiness; term: lifetime; costs: (almost) none.

Here’s the key question behind this work: why?

What a sophisticated question… Why do we do what we do? Why do we want what we want? Why are we here?

Well, maybe that why question is pretty important after all.

I suggest that the “answer” is always happiness.

In some way, shape, or form, we want things because we think they will make us feel good, avoid feeling pain, or survive (you can’t be happy if you’re dead). We do things to pursue these wants or to avoid the things we don’t want. We are here to survive which consists of avoiding danger and suffering (for the most part) and moving towards positive outcomes.

In other words, it’s all about happiness. No, this doesn’t necessarily mean highs and goofy smiles all the time. There is a place for sacrifice, meaning, and discipline in all this (more on that later).

But the point of this initial commentary is to say, of all the things to study, this seems to be life’s most important subject. For if you have mastery of anything else — business, biology, physics, music, etc. — but not happiness, then you will always need something more. But if you have mastery of happiness, then you will need nothing.

This resource is inspired by the Personal MBA and the Andy M. notes system. My goal is to create an encyclopedic scaffolding to capture the “how of happiness”.

I hope this work serves you well…

Jackson K.

Overview

Biology (Physical Health)

Psychology (Mental Health)

Relationships (Social Health)

Work & Money

Miscellaneous

TBD…

When Nicholas said this, he was talking about refining your intellectual perspective as you become a writer. He didn’t realize he stumbled upon some brilliant life advice.

Most people don’t appreciate the full meaning of our species’ name: Homo Sapiens Sapiens. Homo Sapien means “knowing man” or “wise man.” So homo sapiens sapiens is something like “man who knows he knows” or “man aware of being aware.”

This is called metacognition – awareness, observation, and understanding of one’s own cognitive processes. This is important because it helps us to identify and subsequently exert more control over the psychological states that we inhabit.

To this point, Buddhism has a useful bit of terminology. I read that in many Buddhist-influenced languages (like Tibetan), they often don’t have words equivalent to what we would call “emotion” or “thought”. Instead they have a term that is something like “mental formation.” This is an occurrence or manifestation of mindstuff so to speak. It acknowledges that pretty much every thought is imbued with emotion and every emotion imbued with thought. The modern psychological counterpart to this parlance is what we might call mental patterns.

Psychologist Dick Schwartz explains mental patterns are more than just thoughts; they are “discrete clusters of related mental processes” that link together memories, emotions, perceptions, and behaviors.

These mental formations and mental patterns that create our perception are not so easy to control or shut off. So the important thing is to be able to step back and hold them in awareness. Another meditation analogy is the mindstuff being a waterfall and this awareness being the small space behind the waterfall.

Zen teacher Thich Nhat Hanh shares a story about the importance of bringing awareness to these perceptions.

There was a young married couple in Vietnam who just had a baby.

Sadly, the husband was drafted and had to serve for three years. When he came back from the war he was so happy to be reunited with his beloved. She greeted him at the door with their young child in her arms. They were full of love and happiness.

That day they went to the market. While they were there, the dad was surprised because his young child would not call him “dad”. The child said, “You are not my dad. My dad comes home every night. He sits with mom on the bed and they cry together. Then when mom lies down they lie down together.”

In just that moment, the dad’s heart sank to his shoes. He was in disbelief. He did not talk to his wife.

They returned home from the market and he would not even look at her. They never spoke. He left home and drowned his sorrows at the bar.

And on the fourth day, overwhelmed with grief, his wife threw herself into the river.

When he heard the news he returned home that night. He lit a lamp in his child’s room. The child shouted out – “there, there is my dad!” and pointed to the shadow on the wall.

“Dad comes home every night. He sits with mom on the bed and they cry together. Then when mom lies down they lie down together.”

This illustrates the suffering that can come from failing to see mental formations and patterns for what they are: creations of the mind.

Thich Nhat Hanh claims that the Buddha said to ask yourself, “Are you sure of your perceptions?” He suggests you write it down on a card and post it somewhere where you see it every day.

As is often the case, I find it interesting that modern psychology aligns with this ancient contemplative practice.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a form of psychological treatment that has been demonstrated to be effective for a range of problems including depression, anxiety disorders, alcohol and drug use problems, marital problems, eating disorders, and severe mental illness. (1) Many studies suggest CBT leads to improvement in functioning and quality of life – in many cases it is as effective as, or more effective than, other forms of therapy or psychiatric medications.

The first principle of CBT is psychological problems are based, at least in part, on faulty or unhelpful ways of thinking that lead to learned patterns of unhelpful behavior. These biases and faults in our thinking are called cognitive distortions. So treatment usually consists of efforts to identify and reconcile cognitive distortions. Recall, thinking about your thinking as I shared at the outset. The key is learning to recognize one’s cognitive distortions, reevaluate them in light of reality, and reshape them as needed to move forward.

So it goes that if we can identify cognitive distortions, we are on our way to more happiness.

It turns out there are many universal cognitive distortions: common mental formations and patterns that cause you to perceive reality inaccurately. To that end I’ll present to you a brief “glossary of misery” – the most common cognitive distortions to look out for. This comes from David Burns, MD – a renowned expert on mental health treatment. (2)

1. Jumping to Conclusions – You assume something negative or positive without real evidence. This distortion comes in two common forms:

   1. Mind-Reading: You assume you know what others are thinking or feeling.

      1. Negative Example: You’re at a party feeling shy and think, “Everyone can tell how awkward I am. They’re judging me.”

      2. Positive Example: You assume a relationship is going great, even though the other person is secretly frustrated or pulling away.

   2. Fortune-Telling: You predict the future as if it’s guaranteed.

      1. Negative Example: “I’ll bomb my presentation. I just know I’ll freeze up.”

      2. Positive Example: “I’ll just have one drink or one cookie — I can stop there.” But your past behavior shows you usually don’t.
         

2. All-or-Nothing Thinking – You view situations in extreme, black-and-white categories. There’s no room for nuance or “gray areas.”

   1. Negative Example: “I missed one deadline — I’m a total failure at my job.”

   2. Positive Example: “I nailed that project — I’m unstoppable!” You may feel superior or inferior in ways that aren’t realistic or sustainable.
      

3. Overgeneralization – You draw sweeping conclusions based on a single event. One bad moment becomes a sign of an ongoing pattern.

   1. Negative Example: “They didn’t text back — nobody ever likes me. I’m always getting ignored.”

   2. Positive Example: You feel good for a few days and think, “I’m finally cured! I’ll feel this way forever.” You ignore the ups and downs of real life.
      

4. Labeling – Instead of describing behavior, you assign global, negative or positive labels to yourself or others.

   1. Negative Example: “I gave into temptation — I’m a loser with no discipline.”

   2. Positive Example: “I won that board game — I’m such a genius!” This may sound harmless, but it can lead to issues with egotism.
      

5. Emotional Reasoning – You treat your feelings as evidence for the truth. But feelings are often based on distorted thoughts, not reality.

   1. Negative Example: “I feel hopeless — that must mean things really are hopeless.”

   2. Positive Example: “I feel lucky — I just know I’m going to win big tonight at the casino.” Emotions drive your assessments instead of facts.
      

6. Should Statements – You push yourself or others with rigid expectations and rules. These “shoulds” often lead to guilt, resentment, or frustration.

   1. Self-Directed Shoulds

      1. Negative Example: “I should be more productive — what’s wrong with me?”

      2. Positive Example: “I deserve a drink — I’ve had a hard day.” You justify indulgence as a reward, even if it backfires.

   2. Other-Directed Shoulds:

      1. Negative Example: “That guy shouldn’t cut me off in traffic! I’ll show him.”

      2. Positive Example: “People should see things my way — I have the right values.”

   3. World-Directed Shoulds:

      1. Negative Example: “It shouldn’t be raining — this ruins everything.”

      2. Positive Example: “The world should work how I expect it to.”
         

7. Discounting the Facts – You dismiss evidence that doesn’t support your belief, whether it’s good or bad.

   1. Negative Example: You receive a compliment and think, “They’re just being nice — they don’t mean it.”

   2. Positive Example: “I’ll only have one bite” — even though this story has never ended with just one bite.
      

8. Magnification and Minimization – You blow things out of proportion or shrink them down inappropriately.

   1. Negative Example: Looking at your to-do list, you think, “This is impossible! I’ll never get it done.” Everything feels overwhelming.

   2. Positive Example: When tempted to eat ice cream while dieting, you think, “This will taste amazing — totally worth it.” You minimize the guilt and discomfort that usually follow.
      

9. Mental Filter – You fixate on one aspect of reality, good or bad, and ignore the rest.

   1. Negative Example: A speaker receives 99 compliments and one critique. They obsess over the single negative comment and ignore the good.

   2. Positive Example: “This person I have a crush on is so perfect,” you overlook some potential problematic parts of the relationship.
      

10. Blame – You assign fault entirely to yourself or someone else, overlooking complexity.

    1. Negative Example (Self-Blame): “It’s all my fault. I mess everything up.” You punish yourself instead of solving the problem.

    2. Positive Example (Other-Blame): “This fight is all their fault — I did nothing wrong.” You feel like the victim and don’t take accountability for your part.

Use your metacognition to bring awareness to your mental formations and patterns, looking out for the common cognitive distortions. Can you notice any of them at play?

Practice this, and you may find more peace of mind and peace from mind.

1. American Psychological Association. (n.d.). What is cognitive behavioral therapy?

2. Find his work at FeelingGood.com

This refers to a state that is not necessarily “good or bad” but more a feeling of absorption. When you become one with your activity, time slips away, and you lose your sense of “self” – this is flow.

And it seems this, too, brings happiness…

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is a psychologist who pioneered the concept of flow states. (1)

He grew up in war-torn Europe, where he observed that many adults were unable to live meaningful, happy lives after losing their jobs, homes, and security during World War II. This early experience led him to ask what makes life worth living. He explored philosophy, religion, and the arts but eventually discovered psychology, almost by accident, after attending a lecture by Carl Jung in Switzerland.

Early in his research, he made a surprising discovery. While material wealth has dramatically increased in the U.S. since the 1950s, levels of happiness have not. Once basic needs are met, further material gain does not seem to significantly increase well-being. Realizing this, Csikszentmihalyi turned his research toward moments in everyday life when people feel truly happy. He began by interviewing creative professionals – composers, artists, scientists, etc. – who described moments of deep engagement in their work. Their testimonies didn’t highlight fame or fortune but emphasized that the activity itself felt intrinsically meaningful and satisfying.

He found that during these moments, people often described a feeling of “ecstasy” – not in the euphoric sense, but in the original Greek meaning: stepping outside oneself.

This led him to outline the concept of the flow state – an immersive state wherein one dissolves into their present activity. When in flow, attention is so fully absorbed in the activity that you lose awareness of time, self, and even bodily needs. The composer he interviewed said it felt as if his hand moved by itself as he led the orchestra. Csikszentmihalyi explains this neurologically: our brain can only process about 110 bits of information per second, so when we’re deeply focused, there’s simply no bandwidth left to be self-conscious.

Flow isn’t limited to artists. Athletes, executives, writers, monks, and even friends in good conversation may experience similar states. Across professions and cultures, Csikszentmihalyi found that flow arises when seven conditions are met:

1. intense focus (often leading to an altered perception of time),

2. a merging of action and awareness,

3. loss of self-consciousness,

4. a sense of control,

5. clear goals,

6. immediate feedback,

7. and a balance between challenge and skill.

Think of playing your favorite sport against a gold medalist or a 5-year-old (neither is very engaging). But if you have the right balance, you are getting immediate feedback (based on the score and the movements of the other player). You have clear goals (e.g., score points), a sense of control, loss of self-consciousness (e.g., you’re focused on hitting the ball), and a merging of action and awareness with intense focus. Finally, the activity is rewarding in and of itself.

He suggests that one path to happiness is structuring more of daily life so it falls within the “flow channel.” This requires increasing our skills or taking on greater challenges so that our attention is fully engaged. It may also mean setting aside time for creative works, hobbies, and activities that pull you into a state of absorption.

1. See his TED talk: Csikszentmihalyi, M. (2004, February). Flow, the secret to happiness