Are you sure of your perceptions? Really?

From the Happiness PhD Project with Jackson Kerchis...

It was a cold, gray spring day and western PA.

Two kids, one of them your author, decided to take a little, old canoe out on the lake.

Now when we got to the lake, we were surprised because despite being a small lake, it was so windy there were whitecaps breaking on the shore. 

We decided to head out anyway. And as we floated along, we started to drift a little bit sideways. Next thing you know we got smacked by a big wave and it threw us into the freezing cold water. If you’ve ever done a cold plunge or an ice bath you know the feeling — it zaps the air right out of you and throws you into fight or flight (but there is nothing to fight and nowhere to run). I started freaking out kicking and grabbing at the water. Finally, I grabbed on the side of the canoe which was upside down and started kicking my feet to tread water.

Moments later I saw a couple old guys out in the fishing boat about 300 yards away. I started frantically waving to them. And the one old guy sort of looked over and casually waved back.

Clearly something was lost in translation here. So, I waved a little more frantically, and they finally motored over to us. The one guy threw on his coverall rubber waders, jumped out of his boat, and landed in the water. It was up to his belly button.

He said – “stand up.”

And as I quick kicking and tentatively let go of the canoe. I gently plopped on the lake floor below me.

He said, “it’s not as deep as you think” and helped us flip our boat over and go on our way.

Now there are a couple very important happiness lessons in this parable.

Is this water as deep as you think?

When you’re dealing with stress, pain, anxiety, confusion, or suffering – is the water as deep as you think?

A stressed brain is not going to ask this question, it will default assume the worst. But in my experience, I find that when I ask this question, the answer I get back is almost always – no, it’s not so deep.

I’d like to share a few data points with you…

Have you bought a $3 cup of coffee this week? Lovely, 3B people live on less than $3 per day.

1B people have no access to clean, running water. And in the US alone, 1M people are homeless.

And you’re upset because your dishwasher is broken, and you’re stuck in traffic in your climate controlled $20,000 sedan…

Don’t get me wrong I’m guilty of it too. I am stressed out by the mountain of emails I “need to” get through and about building my new business. Now, most of said emails are work that I invented for myself like a self-licking ice cream cone. And my job – if you can call it that – is being professional happiness nerd. Come off it!

Is this water as deep as I think?

It pretty much never is. And even if it is… Then swim.

Are you sure of your perceptions?

The second and perhaps more important lesson is that perceptions are not reality. Thoughts are not reality. Feelings are not reality.

They are feelings about reality, thoughts about reality, and perceptions of reality.

There’s a Zen story that summarizes this well.

Two students are arguing about a flag blowing in the wind…

The flag is moving in the wind – argues one of them.

No, the wind is moving around the flag – argues the other.

And the teacher says – it’s your mind that moves!

The same goes for feelings. When it rains on your parade who is upset? You or the rain?

Thoughts and feelings exist within us. They are not reality.

So, this is not to deny that thoughts and feelings exist. Rather it’s a bit like the Wizard of Oz (spoiler alert!) – when they get to the end and this big scary wizard is just a guy using a clever projection screen and microphone.

In fact, in many Buddhist texts the language they use to describe thoughts and feelings could translate to something like “mental formations”.

That’s a great way of putting it – mental formations.

So, the lesson here is to ask the question again and again – are you sure of your perceptions?

You think that if you don’t get to that last email and get that project moving you’re done for. You feel like you’re falling behind and not good enough.

Are you sure of your perceptions?

And your initial reaction might be – yes I’m sure this is serious stuff!

Well, are you sure of that too?

Just keep asking the questions…

Are you sure of your perceptions? Is this water as deep as you think?

And you may just find you’re capable of being just as effective with much less stress.

Your happiness nerd,

Jackson K