Discover what’s possible with the 'No Public Restroom Test'.
From the Happiness PhD Project with Jackson Kerchis...
The other day my friend and I were driving to a conference in Virginia.
We stopped for gas at a beat up, redneck Circle K in the sticks. This place was so backwoods there was literally a modern-day wanted poster hanging on the front door. I kid you not: a printed off black and white picture of a guy named “PJ” who had a “lifetime ban for repeated theft”.
Imagine getting a lifetime ban from your local gas station.
Anyway, we walked inside and looked around for a restroom – no luck.
Jeff told me on the front door there was a sign saying, “No Public Restroom”.
I said “okay – well why don’t you ask anyway?”
And he said – “There’s a sign right on the front door.”
And I replied – “I’m gonna go outback. Trust me, just ask.”
I came back to the car a few minutes later and in the window, I saw the cashier sneaking him around to the employee restroom.
He tells me when he asked real nice the lady sort of smirked, looked around and said “I’ll help you out buddy just gotta make sure the manager don’t see us.”
And this is where this little story turns into a lesson. I said to my friend, dude this honestly might be the most important freaking lesson in life. Like this is it! This is a microcosm of the macrocosm. It’s right in front of us…
At this point you might think – “wtf is this guy talking about?” That was his reaction too. Let me explain…
On every metaphorical door you will ever walk through in life – almost any time you ever need or want anything – right on the front door in big black letters it will say NO PUBLIC RESTROOM.
It will appear the answer is “no”. It will appear there is no opportunity. It will appear that the person isn’t interested. It will appear this just won’t work.
And what do 99% of people do 99% of the time?
They take this statement as fact. They say, “oh there’s no public restroom, guess I’ll just have to hold it.” And here is the real danger: if you study how my friend and I’s conversation played out, it wasn’t even a conscious decision. He just took this statement as fact without evening questioning it or pushing back.
This “not possible” was taken as fact. It was an assumed impossibility. The danger isn’t even the things we think through and then decide we can’t do. The danger is in what we don’t even question: the decisions that we don’t know are decisions.
As you go through life it will be no after no after no. And it is certainly possible that I could have asked this lady and had her say “sorry no public restroom, didn’t you read the sign dumbass?”
But I reckon 80% of the time the thing we want is just beyond the other side of that first no. Or on the other side of the thing that’s not even a “no” but we assume is a no.
There are so many paths to what we want but we don’t even see them! They are assumed impossibilities. And assumptions aren’t reality. That’s why it’s called a “blind spot”. If you knew it was there it wouldn’t be a blind spot. And if you were conscious of unconscious beliefs, they wouldn’t be unconscious beliefs.
We like David Foster Wallace’s metaphorical fish. They’re swimming around and another fish asks, “how’s the water today?” and they look at each other and go “what the hell is water…”
I was talking to another friend about a job offer that they were really excited about and the hiring manager thought he was a perfect fit. But the job started in July of this year in Ohio, and he had to do an extra semester in Pittsburgh and would graduate in December.
So he was all upset because he wouldn’t be able to accept it. Here we go again: NO PUBLIC RESTROOM.
And I said, “okay well where’s the city in Ohio?” He hadn’t even checked. It turns out it is in a town about 45 minutes from Pittsburgh.
Okay. So, I asked – “And the manager said this requirement for the role is to have a bachelor’s in finance, right?”
“That’s right.”
“Right. And did she specifically say you must have the piece of paper with you in hand the day you start? Or is it possible that because you’re the perfect candidate you could explain to her that you will have completed your degree and gotten said magical piece of paper about 4 months after you start? And to boot if you don’t successfully complete your degree, they can let you go?”
“I mean I guess I didn’t think of that. But I don’t know if I can commute back and forth and work full time in Ohio. What about going to class?”
“Well, it’s 2024. Do they offer any online classes? What about evening classes?”
“Well, I guess maybe it is possible…”
You’re damn right it’s possible! We’re not talking about terraforming Mars here. I mean it’s not guaranteed, surely, but it is possible! It might not be the best plan but it is possible.
“Well, I did email her back and tell her I at least wanted to talk about the role.”
“Pick up the f—ing phone and talk to her!”
Now, who has better odds of getting their dream job?
The person who doesn’t even try because there’s metaphorically no public restroom or the person who picks up the phone and says “hey I am the perfect candidate and I’m so excited about this I wanted to give you a call. I want to propose that I start in July when you need me, and I’ll finish my degree online in the fall. And if I don’t complete the degree, I will pay back my 4 months of salary. Fair enough?”
(Fair enough? Is a great close by the way…)
Now take that same line of thinking and apply it to every other possible area of your life! Are you going to see everything as for you or against you? Are you going to default to no way or maybe? Are you going to assume impossibility or question what’s possible?
So much of your happiness will depend on this.
I’m the keynote speaker at a national association event next year. Want to know how it happened?
I had an email exchange going with the education director about having me speak this past year and the email thread got lost in my inbox. I found it 2 months later after the event had passed (and I was pissed). So, I called her and left a voicemail. Then I replied to the email thread explaining it got lost but we could look at next year. No reply.
The next two months I replied to the thread three more times and left four more voicemails. Last week I called into the front office and connected to someone else in the education department and said “hey can you help me get a hold of Jessica. And finally, I got transferred and Jessica picked up the phone.”
I cringed – I thought she was going to have it out for me. What kind of lunatic leaves four voicemails and then calls into one of your coworkers?
She answered the phone and the first thing she said was “sorry!” We had a conversation and got me on the calendar for the next year.
So there you go – my default assumption was this isn’t going to work out and she doesn’t want to hear from me. But crucially, I recognized that’s an assumption. Then I carried on to see if it was correct. It wasn’t. And now I’m going to have $5,000 more dollars in my pocket.
I could go on and on with examples. Don’t get me started about creating the first happiness course at the University of Alabama. You must have a master’s to teach. You must get course approval. You must have a published textbook. You must have a special registration process. And on and on – no public restroom. And guess who taught the first happiness course there?
Anyway, I apologize if this essay sounds like some humble brag. It’s not. I’m unsuccessful far, far more than I’m successful. And there have been plenty of NO PUBLIC RESTROOM situations where I have been told to kick rocks (didn’t you read the sign, dumbass?).
But how many opportunities have I seized that at first, I assumed impossible?
Majoring in happiness, teaching a course on happiness, living as a Zen monk, taking a gap year to travel the world, etc.…
The brain seems to have a default mechanism – if it isn’t obvious it isn’t possible. The brain sees that NO PUBLIC RESTROOM sign on the door and says, “why bother?”
Please bother.
More often than not, the sign on the door is actually true – there is no restroom. You might be successful only 20 or 10 percent of the time when you challenge this assumption. But that is infinitely more times than zero.
Which is exactly how many times you will get what you want or need if you assume impossibility: if you take the first no or the first perception of a no as fact.
Run everything you encounter through the “no public restroom test”. What you find may surprise and delight you.
Your happiness nerd,
Jackson K.