Happiness is boxing & puppies (obviously).
From the Happiness PhD Project with Jackson Kerchis
So after years studying happiness, months living as a Zen monk, and weeks finishing my book on happiness, this is the best I can come up with: happiness lies in boxing and puppies.
If you’re surprised, imagine how I feel! Let me explain.
Earlier this year I wrote a book on happiness and spent weeks racking my brain to come up with the perfect conclusion to capture the essence of the book. In it I had set out to answer questions like —
What’s my perspective on life?
What matters and what doesn’t?
What is happiness and how does it work?
So not the simplest thing to summarize!
Then on one Thursday afternoon I wrapped up work around 3:30pm.
I drove to the local humane society where I volunteer a “dog socializer”. This is by far the best and most ridiculous job title I’ve ever had. I spent about an hour and a half playing with three of the shelter dogs.
Since I was already in town I went over to Cubs Hall which is a straight-out-of-Rock looking boxing gym in Butler, PA. I jumped into conditioning with the 12 year old team (who I struggled to keep up with). We did 5 rounds of 3-minute all out tempo runs to simulate boxing rounds. Then I did 5 rounds on the heavy bag until my arms were going to fall off.
As I walked out of the gym into the crisp mid-September evening under a clear blue sky, I felt a sort of rapture. It was a subtle, yet recognizable (and inexplicable) high of joy and lightness.
I got home to a beautiful dinner of rice and broccoli with mushroom and feta stuffed turkey burgers (an advanced happiness hack is having your loving mother prepare some dinners for you to take home during the week). I ate and hung out with my good friend Brady.
And as my head hit the pillow that night I felt a sense of peace — nothing stirring within me. And I think after days of trying to “summarize it all” with some grand explanation of happiness, I see that the answer was, of course, right in front of me.
This is it.
This day-in-the-life sums it up. Happiness doesn’t have to be the highest highs or spectacular feats of enlightenment. It’s more like my Zen teacher says:
“Zen is letting the mundane catch fire.”
Happiness is living a life of intention. Every action you take and every minute you spend is a vote for the type of life you want to create. It’s not leaving happiness to chance. It’s about intentional action to cultivate happiness in daily life.
Let’s break down the action from that day…
I worked a reasonable amount (8:00am to 3:30pm) and didn’t get sucked into more by my “productivity anxiety”. I was honest with myself about a reasonable balance of work and rest. Then I did something fun. And perhaps more importantly, it was an act of service. It was giving love and getting it back (is there anything more righteous and unconditional than a dog’s love)?
As George Sand said —
“There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”
Not only that, but when you study the literature, there are two main pathways to meaning: to fully experience someone/something and to use your talents to serve someone/something beyond you (I’m drawing mainly from Frankl and Seligman here).
So after this dose of love and meaning, I did something that I describe as engaging (as opposed to just fun). Boxing brings me into a flow state: “in the zone” absorbed in the activity. Renowned psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi spent his career examining how flow (aka engaging activity) contributes to happiness and peak performance.
Also captured in boxing was good ol’ fashioned hard exercise. I can’t really overstate this one. There’s so much out there with biohacking, positive thinking, self-help, anxiety and depression meds, etc. And I’m not saying that stuff is BS (especially therapy). But I will say — however down or stressed you’re feeling, go run a mile as fast as you can then take a 30 second cold shower and tell me how you feel. I won’t go down the research rabbit hole but most of the literature points to exercise being as, if not more effective, than antidepressants. It is essential to brain function for cognitive performance and mood (see Wendy Suzuki’s TED talk on this).
After this I got a little bit of nature and mindfulness while savoring the blue sky. And I enjoyed a nutritious dinner. Again, I’ll spare the full monty of research but Harvard Psychiatrist Chris Palmer’s “Brain Energy Theory” of mental illness paints a picture of metabolic health as the foundation for mental health. So eating in a way that keeps you metabolically healthy is essential (you might also see the emerging field of nutritional psychiatry if you’re interested in the food x happiness connection).
During dinner I had more relationship and connection time. And then I went to bed early to get a good night’s sleep.
Now I’m not saying I’m like “the happiness guru” here. Only that this day was pretty darn good. Certainly good enough to sneak up on me as the answer to what I’d been searching for.
So what matters? (in no particular order)
Exercise
Fun
Love
Connection/Relationships
Engagement
Meaning/Service
Nutritious diet
Sleep/Rest
Work
Having money / making a living
Maybe like 10% of the other shit I worry about
So this essay is sort of a “meta” example. Because it’s not about me writing out “the rules for happiness”. And I’m not saying you should start boxing or dog socializing. How happiness looks for you will be different than how it looks for me.
It’s really about bringing happiness to life through your life.
And importantly not every day is going to be the best day ever. We want a happiness that is expansive enough to include the ups and down and highs and lows of the human experience.
So, my conclusion on happiness was right in front of me…
Happiness is boxing and puppies.
Happiness is dinner with a friend and a good night’s sleep.
Happiness is exercise, fun, love, connection, engagement, meaning, good food, and rest.
Happiness is a tune expansive enough to contain the happy and sad melodies within it.
Happiness is brought to life through your life.
Happiness is living with intention.
Your happiness nerd,
Jackson K.