Today I want to talk to you about something much more important than happiness, and that is how to get rich.
Of course, I’m kidding, but I do want to offer a perspective on wealth that may inform what you prioritize in life. Of course, we’re all busy, and if you’re anything like me, it feels like the week kind of flies by. You’ve got work and then other things, and it’s just kind of a blur.
But once in a while, you have one of those moments — maybe when you get out of the shower and relax or first lay down in bed — where you take a second, pause, and take inventory. And sometimes in those moments of pause, you really appreciate the life you’re living.
I had such a moment of awareness this week that really stuck with me.
See, it’s Thursday morning as I sit here and write, and I’m looking back at the week.
Sunday morning — hike with someone who has been one of my best friends since we were 10 years old.
Monday — softball game with probably eight of my closest friends and for a couple of hours. Afterwards, we were sitting around the table at a restaurant, basically the only ones in there, and I’m thinking to myself, “Man, like 10 of us all sitting around this table on a Monday — that’s something.”
Tuesday night — not much doing but for about an hour before bed, I caught up with my roommate. Now, here’s a guy whom I met when we were in 10th grade as guidance counselor assistants for one period a day. We basically sat in the office and talked to each other about nothing for 50 minutes a day.
Last night — I got back from the gym and popped over to a restaurant for a couple of hours with three other friends.
And so, as I got up this morning, like I said, I had one of those moments: “Man, you want to talk about rich? That’s rich. That’s wealth. That’s abundance.”
I look at this one week in the summer. You can put me up with any freaking millionaire or billionaire you want — Musk, Bezos, Gates — and I’m telling you, I’m not sure they’re living the lifestyle I am!
You see, when it comes to happiness, the true measure of wealth is not financial — it’s a matter of relationships and time.
It’s one thing for me to say that, but there’s good research on this point. A study I always come back to is the Grant Study at Harvard University, the longest-running study of its kind looking at adult health and happiness. They’ve measured people across three generations over almost 100 years, and they found that one thing remains truer than anything else.
The quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life. How happy you are and how long you live, surprisingly, are functions of your social wealth. And this is not necessarily a popularity contest so much as it is having what I’d call a tribe of true relationships that you get to spend time with.
So let me give you three simple practices you can begin to implement right away to become wealthier.
When I was in college, a traveling monk (true story) told me that one old friend is worth two new ones. Now, I’m a hometown guy, so I’m a little biased, but I think there’s something to that. And there is some social science research that suggests that friendship decay is a real problem and that it contributes to increased levels of loneliness as you get older, which leads to worse mental health. Friendship decay is the term psychologists have given it, but it’s pretty intuitive that, basically, you don’t keep investing in your old relationships.
So here is maybe one hour that had the biggest return on investment in my happiness in the last few years.
One day in college I decided to list out the relationships that were important to me: some old friends, some cousins, some business and professional-type friends, and mentors. I probably had only 50 names on there. But then I went through that list and wrote down how often I’d like to keep in touch with them.
So, for example, it could be a colleague from the consulting academy in Alabama who is more of an acquaintance, and I might want to reach out to them once or twice a year. Whereas one of my college best friends I might want to talk to every month. And then, with my inner circle and Mom, Dad, etc. I might want to talk every week. I just wrote down a number for each one, and then I spent an hour putting reminders into my calendar.
So now, as I go through my week, out of nowhere, I might see a little reminder that says something to the effect of, “When’s the last time you got in touch with Louis, Hank, or your cousin Dan?”
Now, as you’re reading this, you’re probably saying, “Wow, that’s super OCD/autistic of you, Jackson.” Well, yes, it is, but tell me: what would be a better use of one hour of your time? Are you going to go answer three or four of your 500 unread emails or watch a couple of episodes of Love Island?
There’s probably nothing more important you can do than bring intention to your social relationships. You can apply this to family, partners, friends, colleagues, etc.
Having done this I like to turn it into an ongoing rule of thumb: anytime you catch yourself being bored, instead of defaulting to distraction, give someone a phone call or text to keep in touch.
Now, there’s an art to this. In the first sentence or two when they answer, you need to give them an out. Meaning, you don’t want people to feel pressured into having to talk if they’re in the middle of something, so I always say something like, “Hey, just saying hi. Don’t let me keep you if you’re in the middle of something.”
But this is a great activity if you have regular driving time or maybe an hour in the evening when you don’t feel like sitting there scrolling or watching TV. I’m usually good for a couple of hours of catch-ups in a week, when I’m just driving or doing nothing (not that there’s anything wrong with doing nothing).
So, just like there are practices that will help you be financially wealthy, like mastery of a high-demand, low-supply skill set, financial discipline, and dependability, there are practices that will help you be truly wealthy when it comes to happiness.
Make your list of relationships and don’t let them decay. Keep in touch and invest your time in the most important asset. Play it right and with a bit of luck you may end up with a lifestyle that even a billion dollars can’t buy you.
Your happiness nerd,
Jackson
