I think I finally figured out my life goal — my purpose — my raison d'être (French philosophy word meaning “reason for being”)…
And this matters to you because yours is the same.
That’s right. Sounds ridiculous at first, but I make the case that when it comes what we want out of life there may actually may be a right answer.
Stay with me…
My aspiration, my goal, my whole thing is to be the happiest person who ever lived. And my challenge to you is your objective should be the same.
An important point — becoming the happiest person who ever lived opens you up to the question of how exactly you will do that. That I cannot prescribe.
It may mean being the best figure skater who ever lived, the best bare-knuckle boxer who ever lived, the best poet who ever lived, or none of the best whoevers who ever did whatever.
It may be being a really outstanding kindergarten teacher, an amazing dad, or a devout follower of God. How you will become the happiest person who ever lived is up to you – it depends upon your nature, your values, and your life circumstances. But the challenge of being the happiest person who ever lived is the aim of a life well lived.
The path to get there must fit you and your context but at least you’re optimizing for the right thing!
An immediate objections “well if I only care about my happiness, I’m going to be a terrible person”.
There is an implicit assumption in this that happiness is a zero-sum game. That if I want to maximize my happiness, I have to be selfish and that if I want to be a good person I have to sacrifice some happiness. Now, certainly there will be times with trade offs. But I think generally this whole notion is a false bill of goods particular to western culture. What if the way to more happiness is to bring more happiness to others? What if it isn’t “for me or for the next guy” but “happiness for one and for all”.
There is compelling research in support of this claim.
First, I don’t know if we should call it “research” but pretty much every spiritual and religious tradition of all time has advocated the path to happiness (aka joy, enlightenment, holy spirit) is through putting the self aside. By living in service of others and the greater good you experience a much richer life. Scientific studies – such as the longest running psychological study of its kind at Harvard Medical School – say the same. The Grant Study of Adult Development referenced above looked at people through their entire lives across multiple generations and found quality relationships predict your quality of life.
Below is the opening abstract from “Altruism, Happiness, and Health: It’s Good to Be Good” by Stephen Post in the International Journal of Behavioral Medicine. He summarized the scientific literature to conclude the following…
Altruistic (other-regarding) emotions and behaviors are associated with greater well-being, health, and longevity. This article presents a summary and assessment of existing research data on altruism and its relation to mental and physical health. It suggests several complimentary interpretive frameworks, including evolutionary biology, physiological models, and positive psychology. Potential public health implications of this research are discussed, as well as directions for future studies. The article concludes, with some caveats, that a strong correlation exists between the well-being, happiness, health, and longevity of people who are emotionally and behaviorally compassionate, so long as they are not overwhelmed by helping tasks.
Many more studies have highlighted the link that exists between altruism and wellbeing (Myers 2000; Diener & Seligman 2002). Research done by Seligman included giving students a sum of money and using it to go have fun or help someone in need. All were asked to write a report on the experience. They found that satisfaction triggered by a pleasant activity was not as significant as that derived from an act of kindness.
So coming back to the aim here of you becoming the happiest person who ever lived, I’m not saying you have to be Mother Teresa but this certainly doesn’t imply you must be Ebenezer Scrooge.
You might also say “Aren’t there more important things? Isn’t happiness somewhat of a shallow triviality?”
Also no. Show me something else worth optimizing for… Would it be better to be the most successful, important, or creative person who ever lived. I’d argue that if your creativity leads to happiness then sure. Otherwise you can go the way of Vincent Van Gogh or Nietzsche – brilliant minds, some of the most brilliant, who were totally and utterly miserable. What’s the point of that?
Well, you might say the answer is success or legacy. That the point of life is to “make a dent in the universe” and leave your mark as Steve Jobs quipped. I can’t imagine a more foolish errand.
Let me tell you about the three most impactful folks I can think of King Tut, Alexander The Great, and George Washington.
King Tut is a bunch of dust in the Sahara desert. The atoms that once made up Alexander as he ruled over half the world ended up recycled into a tree which was cut down to make the heel of an old dress shoe sitting in an attic. And George Washington is in the page of a ninth grade history book with a big piece of chewed gum on his forehead.
To think of legacy is the most foolishly human scale error. Take what in Zen we call the 1,000 year view. 1,000 years ago what was where you are now? 1,000 years from now what will be there? The best you can possibly hope for is to be a set of letters in some book or on some screen somewhere that someone will someday read aloud. Can you imagine that? Dedicating your life to something so that generations after you’re forgotten — dust floating around I the web of life somewhere — someone might say your collection of letters aloud…
Come off it! Successes that move mountains are like snowflakes falling into the sun!
In the cosmic perspective, it becomes clear that we come from nothing and to nothing we will return. Or, if you are religious which I totally respect, then you should know you are awaiting an entirely different plane: the dimension of the divine.
There is no meaning of life – there is only the experience of being alive. And the optimal experience of being is happiness.
Happiness is the only goal we pursue as an end in of itself and not as a means to something else. I’ll say that again. Happiness is the only thing that is not a means to an end but rather an end in itself. And it wasn’t me who said that but Aristotle. All desires and aversions – all moving to or away – all this or that – are a means of avoiding suffering and seeking happiness.
So what could be a better goal than this: I will be the happiest person who ever lived!
That again is my challenge to you. My wager is that if you set out to be the happiest person who ever lived what you would discover is you wouldn’t be selfish and you wouldn’t be a failure. As Joseph Campbell said, if you really want to help the world what you’ll do is show people how to live in it. And no one can do that who has not mastered it him or herself.
What the world needs is more happiness — for one and for all. So I’m planning to be the happiest person who ever lived. And I hope you’ll give me a run for my money!
Oh, and how do you become the happiest person who ever lived?
Figuring that out is what you’ll call the rest of your life…
Your happiness nerd,
Jackson
Right there with you, my friend.