______ is the secret to happiness.
There are a lot of options for this fill-in-the-blank, and if I’m being honest, I’ve probably made several claims to that effect with things like relationships, intention, learning, etc.
But I’ll throw my hat in the ring for another one here today and give you a brief guide on how to develop it.
Emotional Intelligence
The simplest way to understand this is to think about IQ as your intellectual processing power. EQ is your ability to understand and manage your emotions and recognize and influence the emotions of others.
Here’s a visual for that from Dan Goleman, who developed this concept.
As it relates to happiness, think about what we’re saying here. If you have the ability to, in almost every given moment, recognize the emotional state you’re in and then regulate that emotional state to move yourself to a more productive and/or pleasant state, you essentially have happiness under control. Obviously, there are some caveats, such as bad things happening, financial hardship, health issues, etc.
But if, in any given moment, happiness is essentially your state of being and you have the ability to observe and influence your state of being, then voilà.
So here’s the simplest way I can teach emotional intelligence: you have to understand where you are on the map and then move yourself to different positions on the map.
When I say map, I mean something I’m about to show you. Every psychological state essentially exists on this XY graph.
You can think of it this way: Is it positive, as in pleasant, or negative, as in unpleasant? Is it high-energy or low-energy?
So, for example, a high-energy, negative state might be anger or something similar, and a low-energy, positive state might be contentment or relaxation.
So all you need to do for step one is recognize where you and others are at any given moment on that map.
Once you have your coordinates, so to speak, you can then, from that place of awareness, change your mind or body to move toward a new position on the map.
If you’re in the low-energy, negative place corresponding to a sad or depressed state, you need to move up and to the right. You can do that by jumping up and down, smiling, thinking about something you’re excited about, watching a funny video, etc.
If you’re in the high-energy, negative place corresponding to rage, you need to move down and to the right. You can take a few deep breaths with long exhales, do some slow stretching, list five things you’re thankful for, imagine a beautiful, peaceful, still lake, or say a prayer.
So there are hundreds of strategies you can use to change your psychological state, most of which, again, involve changing your focus (mind) or physiology (body).
I’ll keep this as a short thought and leave it at a high level. Happiness is not just something that happens to you, but it’s also something that is up to you.
By developing your emotional intelligence, you can self-direct your emotional context and influence the emotional context of others. All you really need to do is practice locating yourself on the emotional map and then charting a new, more pleasant and productive course.
Your happiness nerd,
Jackson
