Why it's important to question perceptions

From my next book of meditations on mindfulness, happiness, and radical sanity...

This is my last share from my upcoming book — it’s an excerpt from a popular essay Lessons from the Mind in Love. If you enjoy please reply for an advance copy or read the introduction.

Thich Nhat Hanh, the legendary Zen teacher, shares a story about the importance of learning to be the observer – and seeing through the games of the mind in love…

There was a young married couple in Vietnam who just had a baby.

Sadly, the husband was drafted and had to serve for three years. When he came back from the war he was so happy to be reunited with his beloved. She greeted him at the door with their young child in her arms. They were full of love and happiness.

That day they went to the market. While they were there, the dad was surprised because his young child would not call him “dad”. The child said – “you are not my dad. My dad comes home every night. He sits with mom on the bed and they cry together. Then when mom lies down they lie down together.”

In just that moment, the dad’s heart sank to his shoes. He was in disbelief. He did not talk to his wife.

They returned home from the market and he would not even look at her. They never spoke. He left home and drowned his sorrows at the bar.

And on the fourth day, overwhelmed with grief, his wife threw herself into the river.

When he heard the news he returned home that night. He lit a lamp in his child’s room. The child shouted out – “there, there is my dad!” and pointed to the shadow on the wall.

“Dad comes home every night. He sits with mom on the bed and they cry together. Then when mom lies down they lie down together.”

Suddenly it was all too clear.

This is the danger of mental perceptions. The Buddha said to ask yourself – “Are you sure of your perceptions?”

Thich Nhat Hanh says to write this down on a card and post it to the wall – Are you sure of your perceptions?

This is maybe the most important lesson from the mind in love — it will help us navigate our relationships with greater awareness, balance, and grace.

Read the full essay here.